I need a place to write down my thoughts. I am married to a man that essentially is a good guy. Great provider , nice guy that people like. That being said its not working for me. We were married September 1997. We have one daughter who is a junior in high school. So busy time in our lives. The two of them are two peas in a pod. Very similar. Don't get me wrong my daughter has plenty of traits that are mine and they aren't necessary the best ones.
My daughter has a tendency, well not a tendency, she always does it she takes everything out on me. I have been her punching bag for years. I very very much know it isn't the same but there is a part of me that get what mentally abused people are going through. Because if I really told people how I was treated that is probably what they would say she does to me.
I will go to husband and read to him the hurtful awful rants/texts that I get from our daughter and I get met with silence. Nothing from him. There was one time that I talked about what a bad place I was in and crying at the kitchen table and all he said was, I'm going to go get changed. I am sitting there crying being vulnerable and asking for help and that is all I got. So needless to say he is not there for me.
I had spent so many days curled up in fetal position not wanting to move that I finally said that's it I have to do something for me. I thought I am going to see if it really is me and/or will getting out of this house do anything. I scheduled an appointment with a therapist, but canceled it. I did go on anti depressant. My husband does not know this and I have no intention of telling him.
I really want to leave. I want to leave them both. I know part of me wants to leave so they realize how much I do for them but they are both the type of people that when you bring it up they say I didn't asked you to do that for me. Not a thank you just whatever. I am always being told this is a thankless job. Well know its not...and that is why I only do the minimum for them. I have been sticking with it especially with my husband. Its a little harder to do with my daughter.
I do want to say my daughter is actually a smart, talented, driven student and athlete. She is caring and kind. As with both of them just not to me. I love her with all my heart and I wish her nothing but success but if I am being honest I can't take much more of this. As I sit here crying as I type this I just don't know what to do. She has Sat's tomorrow so I don't want to do anything today but after the tests I just want to leave. I won't but I really want to. I hate being here. I really do. I deserve better from them. I deserve someone who is going to listen to me and comfort me and just support me. I don't need someone who is going to tell me that when I try this you say this when I do this you say thins. Let me call bullshit now. If you put as much effort into me as you do work we would be good. if I got 25% of what you give to other people we would be ok. I get nothing and I am tired of it.
I say am going to stick it out and wait til my daughter is in college to see if it gets any better bc I do think she brings a level of stress to us even though she is a dream child except for the mouth. But I am struggling right now.
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